Sick of being sad
fed up of being fraught,
bored of the same old dramas
desperately wanting more.

I lived on hope,
I loved in vain.
You couldn't come close
you wouldn't maintain.

The hurts cut deep,
the trust destroyed.
We talked, I thought,
You didn't listen.

Breaking free,
it's time to be.
I'll miss your smile....
But I missed me more.


June 2018  

Time flies..... and flies....
and you wonder just what you have been doing!!
Having fun? Having a bad time?  well yes, all of that and more...

Its 2018...only just still! so much to share.....

from dark places to gloriously sunny ones.....
thoughts and photos to come. x

The Worry Worm....

'worry', just a little word,
but what a mess you can create....all by yourself!
You take a situation and saturate it with doubt and fear,
then cause unrest and troubled mind
just by drip feeding thoughts that stress.

As each thought adds to the cauldron of despair,
those worries add in to the brew and soon, before you know it,
you've lost the way to go,
for worry clouds the mind, stops action dead in its tracks,
and takes away the satisfaction of dealing with the challenges you'll find.

Worry niggles, pushes and pulls, and whispers deep in your heart,
chipping away your faith and confidence,
until tears spill...and sleep is lost
and the smile is gone.

So, what has worry gained?
what was its purpose here?
why has it worked so hard to make you feel so drained?

Does it delight in all your pain?
does it thrive through sapping your energy?
does it feed on all the negativity?
and does it desire a broken spirit, so it may live again?

And for you...what do you get in return for its visit?
what gift does it bring to thank you for its stay?
what promise for the future does it offer as it worms deeper and deeper on its way?

Do you know....I can think of nothing that worry will bring for you,
no hidden gift, no lovely surprise,
no laughter in your eyes.

For worry is a selfish guest, he stays as long as he may,
to take, to break, to tear, to fear,
to do what he does best,
to bring you down and lose your hope of success, in each and every way.

But worry can not linger in a heart that lets in hope,
and worry is turned away, when faith is allowed to grow.
It cannot survive when positivity and action together, push worry aside,
it dies and shrivels, it cannot worm and thrive inside.

Of course it is not that easy, to just up and push worry right out
it'll fight and resist to get its own way
but love and peace will restore the calm as 'what will be will be'; we bravely face
and worry will be firmly put away
as tomorrow, the future we embrace.

Butterflies

Once upon a time a fairytale came true...

and I met you....

The butterflies dance and waltzed

and I was entranced...

wondrous at the somersaults they made deep within.

But, as you came, you went as quickly

and the butterflies lay still, and wept.

Their tears stinging as the winters rain,

and in time with no dancing to do, they slept,

a fitful sleep as hope was killed by pain.

Time passed and sleeping butterflies awoke

recognising anticipation and the joy of hope,

but it was in truth an illusion,

no love returned, no cause for dance,

for all this pretender brought was confusion.

So, how long can butterflies survive?

Feeding alone on hope and the promise of love?

But, as these dwindle and diminish

do they too perish?

Or are butterflies encapsulated in a vial for eternity,

dancing so quietly, not even I can notice?

Yet I crave their speed, their grace, their joy

as they flit around and make me gasp.

Can another love ignite their dance?

Will there be in time a breaking free

of butterflies celebrating joy in me?

Come on My Future

Come on My Future

Too fast, too slow, too head long, too scared,

too many mistakes, too many attempts,

too desperate to find you,

too much searching, too much angst,

too much emotion.

Slow down I must,

patience I must have.

Delight in the now there must be.

Learning from the past I must take.

Moving forward steadily I must go,

trusting in the path of destiny....I must!!

Loving the life I am having,

knowing the truth,

understanding destiny.

Preparation meeting opportunity.

I have prepared,

now lets embrace opportunity.

Come on my future

I am here....

29.9.15

 

A Place, Apart

A place, Apart

So here we are,

A place, apart.

Dreams have come and gone

and my bed is cold on your side.

You just upped, and left

and tore my world in two.

You didn't look back,

no glance was cast

No second thought to repair

the heart that beat for you.

The beat that steadily stopped as it realised,

you had, for real,

just gone.

But why? Why did the love grow cold?

Why did it not show,

how could I not know?

I feel a fool, you played along

and made me feel you loved me

when now I see,

it was not to be

your greater love was you.

16^th June 2015A 

I am living with a chronic illness, this poem resonates with me, I hope you take something from it.     Written by John O'Donoghue


Now is the time of dark invitation
Beyond a frontier that you did not expect;
Abruptly, your old life seems distant.

You barely noticed how each day opened
A path through fields never questioned,
Yet expected deep down to hold treasure.
Now your time on earth becomes full of threat;
Before your eyes your future shrinks.

You lived absorbed in the day to day,
So continuous with everything around you,
That you could forget you were separate;

Now this dark companion has come between you,
Distances have opened in your eyes,
You feel that against your will
A stranger has married your heart.

Nothing before has made you
Feel so isolated and lost.

When the reverberations of shock subside in you,
May grace come to restore you to balance.
May it shape a new space in your heart
To embrace this illness as a teacher
Who has come to open your life to new worlds.

May you find in yourself
A courageous hospitality
Towards what is difficult,
Painful and unknown.

May you use this illness
As a lantern to illuminate
The new qualities that will emerge in you.

May the fragile harvesting of this slow light
Help you to release whatever has become false in you.
May you trust this light to clear a path
Through all the fog of old unease and anxiety
Until you feel arising within you a tranquility
Profound enough to call the storm to stillness.

May you find the wisdom to listen to your illness:
Ask it why it came? Why it chose your friendship?
Where it wants to take you? What it wants you to know?
What quality of space it wants to create in you?
What you need to learn to become more fully yourself
That your presence may shine in the world.

May you keep faith with your body,
Learning to see it as a holy sanctuary
Which can bring this night-wound gradually
Towards the healing and freedom of dawn.

May you be granted the courage and vision
To work through passivity and self-pity,
To see the beauty you can harvest
From the riches of this dark invitation.

May you learn to receive it graciously,
And promise to learn swiftly
That it may leave you newborn,
Willing to dedicate your time to birth.

Onwards....Forwards...Upwards

A day at a time, little steps

into an unknown world that lies ahead.

Stretching out into a void of anticipation.

Cautious, excited, fearful, scared.

Will it be a future with friends who love and support

or one where I find

yet more love and romance?

Will there be someone who can love me,

as I crave?

One whom I can trust, with my heart

and with my hopes.

Is this possible? Dare I hope? Dare I?

But I have no choice...

Sit back, and take those little steps

A day at a time

and.......mmmm, let's hope.

June 16^th 2015 

Revivalism.....

What is this thing called Revival?

What is this source of energy and passion?

Why has it touched lives and souls?

Why is it continuing in this crazy fashion?

When will the dream start to fade?

When will the people get bored and staid?

Where is this journey taking us

Where do we find the continued energy and drive?

Wont it take us down crazy paths?

Wont it make us for greater things strive?

Wonder then how magic can happen!

Wonder then what people can do!

Whereas we could just sit and wonder.....

Whereas it could be just me and you.....

‘Want’ is where we are at right now

‘Want’ is for Revival to blossom and flourish

Wherein we find the more we push harder

Wherein we know Revival will thrive!!

Angela

July 12th 2014 

Just a few shots from the last couple of months that have made me smile 

London/Scilly Isles/Stones Place/Manchester

A Time and a Place

So, where does this time take me,

to lands, and dreams, far from the comfortable homestead.

To take on challenges and to learn

to be daring, for courage to be my new ally.

For challenges of strength, of stamina, of patience,

for challenges of understanding.....

With time, my friend, a gift I am given

of opportunities to strengthen the resolve

and character that I carry.

I can benefit from this gift and

rise to each occasion,

or fall, and fail, or lose my strength in spirit

and be lost in misunderstanding.....

The choice is mine, in each and every action

to be a victor, or a victim

only time ....will tell you

the outcome......

The Journey of Two Lovers to Santiago

Two lovers set out on a journey

there is anticipation and a wonder

for the adventure that lies ahead.

From an initial step, a thousand

more follow and the journey takes

shape into the unknown,

with chance encounters, scenes of delight,

rest stops to refresh and local delicacies to devour,

with painful steps and tired feet

and beds to find to sleep.

The journey presses on,

each day a new challenge, a new high, a new low,

and a destination a little nearer.

The journey is not an easy one,

others have had more joy,

have given the travellers memories that

now are sacred and treasured.

But onwards must this journey go,

along an ancient path.

The pilgrims journey on Camino

is a journey into self,

to discover and to challenge and

to reawaken inner strength.

And so the lovers journey presses on,

for strength is needed now,

and precious memories reawaken the dream

once held so dear.

The challenge to the pilgrim here

is to take each painful step

towards the final destination,

where one is left to rest.

And so we reach Santiago and the

lovers journey must end.

A promise kept, a vow not broken,

a journey re discovered.

But only two feet were on that path,

for one was carried along.

For the lovers vow was to take his

love once more, a final time,

within his heart

and within his hands,

as he carried her along the way,

along Camino that together they once trod,

when full of life and hope.

He now steps out, alone once more

into a new adventure, satisfied, yet

full of sadness, and even a little anger,

but with a heart full of Camino love

and hope for a new future,

for he has tasted true love

and his journey

is not yet over.....

For Emilio and Holly

the love he has lost

but for hope and happiness once more xxx

16th June 2014

the day before arriving in Santiago

a message seen written on the wall of an underpass, left the day before

tears flowed.....